Howdy folks.
Here are links to my two latest published stories. They're available online for free so read them!
Image rights: "COCK FIGHT-2" by Amshudhagar - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons.
NSFW
Showing posts with label Short Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Short Story. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
The Peace Saddle on HST!
The Miraculous Life of Kim Jong-il According to a Texas Cowboy who Just Shot the Last American Polar Bear in San Antonio
I'm nearing the end of my pile of chapbooks.
In celebration of such a miraculous event, please enjoy a story from within its pages, The Miraculous Life of Kim Jong-il.
Buy the chapbook! Love it! Share it! Give as a gift! Send to a friend! Help me eat!
In celebration of such a miraculous event, please enjoy a story from within its pages, The Miraculous Life of Kim Jong-il.
Buy the chapbook! Love it! Share it! Give as a gift! Send to a friend! Help me eat!
Toilet Stories From Outer Space
7 Stories
by Andrew Hilbert
$7, shipping included
Monday, March 3, 2014
Cleaning Solution
Howdy, internet world.
My latest story is now up at HorrorNovelReviews.com!
It's called Cleaning Solution and here's a little story about how it came to be.
Nina and I were coming home from work or dinner or something and we noticed two oddballs peeking around our apartment building. One was an older fellow, the other was a guy who couldn't have been older than drinking age. They had bottles of Windex hanging out of their back pockets. The young one hung around the corners of the buildings while the other knocked on doors and looked inside folks's abodes.
Highly suspicious activity or completely innocent, who knows? I didn't want to tip them off that I was suspicious as all hell so I acted in the most suspicious way a person could act. I walked around the building and followed them around.
The young one asked me if I wanted a demonstration of this miracle water and I said, "No."
That could have been the end but I had been paranoid about news reports about break ins in our area recently and I had a feeling these two entrepreneurs were casing the joint so I called the local police who immediately transferred me over to 911 because they agreed, they were probably casing the joint.
They didn't catch these two capitalists but I'm sure the police lights scared them away knowing that somebody was on guard enough to report suspicious activity.
Part of me feels bad if they were just two dudes trying to make a cheap buck but the other part of me doesn't really give a fuck. Nobody wants to buy watered down Windex in the evening. It's almost worse than getting a knock on the door from Jehovah's Witnesses.
When I was a kid I remember a similar salesman coming to my parents's house and giving the whole spiel about how this solution could clear rust off a doorknob so bright that Ray Charles would be temporarily re-sighted to praise our doorknob's sheen. My dad entertained the spiel but we didn't end up buying any cleaning solution.
So there it is, the two things that inspired this tale. Hope you enjoy the story.
My latest story is now up at HorrorNovelReviews.com!
It's called Cleaning Solution and here's a little story about how it came to be.
Nina and I were coming home from work or dinner or something and we noticed two oddballs peeking around our apartment building. One was an older fellow, the other was a guy who couldn't have been older than drinking age. They had bottles of Windex hanging out of their back pockets. The young one hung around the corners of the buildings while the other knocked on doors and looked inside folks's abodes.
Highly suspicious activity or completely innocent, who knows? I didn't want to tip them off that I was suspicious as all hell so I acted in the most suspicious way a person could act. I walked around the building and followed them around.
The young one asked me if I wanted a demonstration of this miracle water and I said, "No."
That could have been the end but I had been paranoid about news reports about break ins in our area recently and I had a feeling these two entrepreneurs were casing the joint so I called the local police who immediately transferred me over to 911 because they agreed, they were probably casing the joint.
They didn't catch these two capitalists but I'm sure the police lights scared them away knowing that somebody was on guard enough to report suspicious activity.
Part of me feels bad if they were just two dudes trying to make a cheap buck but the other part of me doesn't really give a fuck. Nobody wants to buy watered down Windex in the evening. It's almost worse than getting a knock on the door from Jehovah's Witnesses.
When I was a kid I remember a similar salesman coming to my parents's house and giving the whole spiel about how this solution could clear rust off a doorknob so bright that Ray Charles would be temporarily re-sighted to praise our doorknob's sheen. My dad entertained the spiel but we didn't end up buying any cleaning solution.
So there it is, the two things that inspired this tale. Hope you enjoy the story.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
My Talking Dog
Take a listen to a story featured in Toilet Stories From Outer Space.
It's called My Talking Dog. The cover image was illustrated by Todd Mein. The theme song was written and performed by yours truly.
You can buy Toilet Stories From Outer Space by clicking here. The price includes shipping.
Below are all the images from the story.
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