Sunday, April 21, 2019

Game of Thrones

I planned on writing a post for the Game of Thrones premiere but Elizabeth Warren beat me to it.

I've said good things about all candidates but I've got a friend who, despite his best intentions, is a total twat online about his love for Barnhard Sandora. He posted, "Thank you for your smile, your encouragement, your [it goes on for a paragraph]. Thank you, Bronie Sumter." It could have ended with "Jesus" or "Cosmic Center."

Here's where I rate all Democratic candidates.

ANDREW YANG NEEDS $1000 A MONTH TO BUY A TIE

PETE BUTTIGIEG NEEDS A MORE STYLISH BOWL FOR HIS MOTHER TO PUT ATOP HIS DOME

BERNIE WANTS UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE BECAUSE THAT BANDAGE IS SUPPOSED TO BE ON HIS PENIS BUT HE HAD TO GO TO THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE FOR AN AFFORDABLE PROCEDURE

ELIZABETH WARREN WANTS TO TAKE A MIRROR OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE BATHROOM AND STAND BEHIND IT TO WAIT FOR TRUMP TO SEE IF HE NOTICES THAT IT'S JUST HER PLAYING A PRANK

AMY KLOBUCHAR THREW THIS FROM THE BOTTOM OF THIS LIST. IT HIT BERNIE IN THE PENIS.

JULIAN CASTRO STRUGGLES TO STAND OUT

HAD TO PUT THE CASTRO BROTHERS AND THE BINDER THAT HIT BERNIE IN THE DICK BETWEEN JOE BIDEN AND ELIZABETH WARREN

COREY BOOKER SAYING FUCK BECAUSE NOBODY LIKES HIM

KAMALA HARRIS YELLS AT ALL THE KIDS SHE PUT IN JAIL TO STOP TALKING ABOUT IT

TELL YOUR MOM TO CUT AROUND THIS BOWL, BUTTIGIEG.

GILLIBRAND MAKES A BETTER TV PRESIDENT

STOP THROWING SHIT, AMY.