Friday, March 23, 2018

For here or to go?

A list of acceptable responses to the question, "For here or to go?" when at a coffee shop:

For here.

To go.

A list of unacceptable responses to the question:

I'll have it here but in a to go cup.

Is there a difference in the cups?

Do you have any cups made of fair trade oat hemp?

Are these cups bio-degradable if I stick them up my asshole for sexual pleasure?

Can I get it in a to go cup but can you put a thousand sleeves on them so that my precious little fingers don't feel any heat?

I'm going to get it in a to go cup but I'm going to come back for fifteen refills and will request a new to go cup every single time because a tree killed my family and I must avenge them.

I'm going to drink it in the parking lot.

I'm allergic to paper and ceramic; can I lap it out of your palms?

This is an inappropriate intrusion. I demand to see a manager.

I'm an Elite Yelper. Is everything free?

Hold on. I'm on the phone with a very important mom.

Buy my book

Support my Patreon

Buy a shirt