Thoughts as I eat a quantifiably small order of fries when I clearly ordered a large

Writing 'wash me' on a dirty car is still a pretty funny joke. For as ubiquitous as it is, I still chuckle at the thought of someone seeing a dirty car and doing this. You have to wonder if it's a friend or some stranger looking for a cheap thrill to calm a boner in a public parking lot. Still, I saw a car today that was dirty and someone wrote 'wash me' on it and I'm still thinking about it. Pure gold.

Don't you ever get the feeling you just want to throw a tantrum for no good reason other than there are people who will have to put up with it? Luckily, our better natures take over and we just quietly eat our french fries as if they didn't get our order wrong. I'm told this exact feeling has a word for it in German and a moment like this is what inspired Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman and Manchester by the Sea starring Casey Affleck.

Drinking IPAs doesn't mean you support colonization. Seriously, I saw an argument for that. Feel guilty about everything is the message. Become the Sunday School nun who slaps everyone on the wrist for every minor transgression. I'm not saying don't be thoughtful. I'm saying the sun is going to devour our planet and nothing you currently enjoy will ever exist again. So enjoy it now because Yellowstone might get us before the sun does. Or we live in a false vacuum.

Alex Jones, frog-fearing snowflake, now claims himself as a performance artist. Survivalist multivitamins don't sell themselves, folks.

Listen to me gab with J David Osborne here.

Read The Grim Reader's review of Invasion here.