A human family held hostage by a frog-and-foot-cheese hybrid smiles to avoid the wrath of an overactive vocal sac
Now, a little Trump has a beard. A face which once had no shape, now has a visible border between neck and face. He built a goddamn wall on his face to give more shape to his body than what once appeared like a discarded condom on a couch at a frat house.
Someone played Wooly Willy with his face
I was defeated. The right wing has appropriated the last vestige of my my teenaged communism. I had a beard because Karl Marx had a beard and everyone knows he spent hours combing vaginal fluids out of it (because it was so sexy). Now the right wing wears a beard like they love Russia or something.
I got out my Mach-Whatever razor and spent minutes scraping off my cheeks. I did the normal things one does when shaving their face off. I gave myself long sideburns, I gave myself a goatee, I gave myself the GG Allin. I laughed and sobbed as my tears and beard hair mixed into a beautiful kaleidoscope as they circled the drain of my sink.
"Goodbye, youth!" I thought to myself. I imagined myself blowing the candles of a birthday cake. It was a new year. It is a new me.
I had four chins.
You should start listening to We Shot Mr. Burns.
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