My Talking Dog

Take a listen to a story featured in Toilet Stories From Outer Space.

It's called My Talking Dog. The cover image was illustrated by Todd Mein. The theme song was written and performed by yours truly. 

You can buy Toilet Stories From Outer Space by clicking here. The price includes shipping.

Below are all the images from the story.

Fuck your blog

In my never ending quest to conquer the internet, I joined twitter.

I don't know how to use twitter.

It overwhelms me.

But in the case that you do like to use twitter, know how to use it, and want to see me tell terrible jokes in some pathetic attempt to look hip, my handle is @AHILBERT3000

Texas Book Festival Hearts Indies

Well, well, well.

Tonight was the Texas Book Festival's TBF Hearts Indies shindig at Cheer Up Charlies brand new location on Red River in Austin, TX and it couldn't have gone any sweller.

What a night.

I am one of the founders of Slagdrop and we represented the only way we knew how: haphazardly, cheap, and drunkenly. We gave away a ton of free stuff. One of the things we gave away was our magazine, Slagdrop Presents America... You're Welcome. The connect the dots bit was pretty popular with the folks there. It's good to know that great writers like Ryan Sayles, Cheryl Couture, Cortin A. Zelaznog, Clint Margrave, Gerald Locklin, Zachary Locklin, Scott Montgomery, and a whole lot more are in the hands of a bunch of Austinites right now. We must have given away fifty copies. No one was keeping count, though.

We were also giving away Jack Arambula's and my Rick Perry Scary sticker and handmade, locally sourced, 100% organic 'drink insulators.' If you stare at the drink insulators long enough, they turn into scoby for kombucha. Hippies love that shit.

The next time you drink kombucha, think about the bacteria mound called scoby that was exploited to make it.

I sold a whole lot of Toilet Stories From Outer Space chapbooks which was really exciting. The major selling point was telling folks that each story is about a bowel movement long and was clinically proven to help ease constipation by Mr. Hara-san.

But more than the personal victories, it was great connecting with other indie publishers and authors doing great things in Austin. The Austin Review, A Strange Object, American Short Fiction, Foxing Quarterly, Fields, Unstuck... all of these people are doing great things.

Austin is the live music capitol of the world, yes, but it's also home to a budding scene of indie literature that rivals the best of them.

But I'm always representing Long Beach, CA. 

Gatsby Books.

Here's to Austin. Here's to indie. Here's to Lone Star. Cheers.

The Mule nominated for a Derringer Award

Read the Mule at Out of the Gutter!

Out of the Gutter has been good to me. I can't say enough good things about the folks that run that ship.

Joe Clifford, a phenomenal writer himself, is a tough as nails editor. When he doesn't like a story, he says it. When he thinks a story needs work, he tells you. That was the case with The Mule. 

It was a decent idea and when I sent it over to them, it was still just decent. Joe sent it back saying it was missing something.

I worked on it and what it was missing changed the story from a decent story to a pretty damn good one. I won't say what was added and what made the story from unpublishable to publishable but it was significant.

A lot of editors just accept or reject with no advice or criticism. Joe Clifford and Tom Pitts at Out of the Gutter, in my experience, really care about the craft and will send praise and criticism. The criticism is what I appreciate most.

The Out of the Gutter folks nominated my story, The Mule, for a Derringer Award. I am blown away by the honor. Read the story and send it good vibes.

A New Year!

It's a new year. 

That's great because 2013 was a year of not much. A customer told me that odd numbered years are bad years and even numbered years are good ones. 2014 should be good by that logic, no?

I made a resolution and this time I didn't tell a soul so I would stick to it. I also didn't tell a soul so that when I broke it, nobody'd be the wiser and I could go on smok-- breaking the resolution and I could pretend that I didn't break any promise I made to myself. 

2013, despite being an odd numbered year, was pretty good for me. I got published in new places, made some new friends, and started new projects. One of those projects was finishing my first novella, Death Thing. It's finally ready to start pushing to small and unsuspecting presses. I feel good about it.

There's a lot to tell you about but I'd rather wait until some of it is closer to ready. Until then,

BUY MY CHAPBOOK. SUPPORT MY CHEETOS HABIT. REVIEW IT ON GOODREADS.

The Kill Look now at Out of the Gutter

Howdy, folks.

My latest story, The Kill Look, is now at Out of the Gutter.

Click here to read the damn thing.

It should also be noted that I will be reading a Christmas story at 69 All the Time presented by the fine folks at wait...what? I'm aware that that sentence made little sense.

It'll be at Le Rouge Boutique (it's a naughty shop, folks). 7:30 pm. There'll be a thousand other readers there and it will be free and fun and generally exciting.

Click here to get the damn details.

I was also in a fine video by a local mad genius who goes by the name of Steven Warren. There are super high production values and special effects that cost so much we'll be paying them off from the grave.

Watch the damn thing.

My story Flesh House was accepted to the JUNK anthology and you can get your hands on it here. 

Jack Arambula drew that for Flesh House a long time ago and now I can finally use it.

I came up with the story for Flesh House at Foxing Quarterly's first issue release party at a now-gone bookstore, DOMY. It's tiny. Even the outside grounds are tiny. There were a ton of people there, too. I was reading Cortin A. Zelaznog's phenomenal work of dirty absurdity, Puppetro. 

I get claustrophobic at times and this time it struck me. It's Texas so even when it's cold it feels like Satan's taint. It could have very well been cold, though. Anyways, there were all these people there and everyone was sweating and everyone was smoking and admiring each other's facial hair or fashionable boots. I kept thinking, "God damn, these people are fucking flesh walls that are going to collapse on me."

Then I thought of the title. Some of my stories come from titles first. 

I wrote Flesh House to be disgusting. A good friend told me he had to stop eating while reading it. I take that as a high compliment. 

Get the damn JUNK anthology. Every story in there is a winner. I'm honored to be among such a fine group of folks. 

There'll be some cool stuff to announce in the near future. There are good things coming and I can't wait to tell you about them. 

Anthology stuff

Howdy, folks.

My story, Flesh House, is included in this fine anthology alongside Ryan Sayles, Chris Leek, Chris Rhatigan, Danger Slater, Jason Armstrong, and David James Keaton. It's a swell ride through Hell. Pick it up today. 99 cents is a steal!

Hell, it ain't Halloween anymore but I was also included in Horror Novel Review's anthology for Halloween. The story The Werewolf Dentists From Hell is about exactly what it sounds like. Buy it now!

Don't forget about Toilet Stories From Outer Space!