Tuesday, October 14, 2014

I left my dignity in the Taco Bell drive thru on MLK and Airport

Yesterday, a few of the Weekly Weirdos were celebrating the release of Weekly Weird Monthly Totally Nubs Out For Spiced Ham. We're getting older now so celebrating consisted of giving everyone a copy of the printed out thing, drinking a beer, then going to Taco Bell and parting ways.

See, Taco Bell is having this promotion. If you buy this abhorrent thing

in a snack box, or whatever the hell they call it, you get a chance to win a Playstation 4. I'm not 15 anymore so this doesn't arouse me in the same way it used to. The only way I'm going to acquire a PS4 is winning it after a Taco Bell induced bout of diarrhea. 

We all ordered our "food." I ordered the meal box from Hell. When we pulled up, the lady gives us a bag, all of our orders intact, but sans my box. I notice this the moment after she closes the window on me. 

So I sit there in silence, staring ahead at the passing cars in front me and contemplating the meaning of my life. I'm not going to honk to get her attention. I decided to just sit there and wait for her to look at the security camera and say to her coworker, "This fucking bearded shithead must want extra ketchup or some shit."

After a few minutes of asking myself why there is no God, she finally reopens the window. 

"Yes?" she asks, probably. I say probably because I wasn't paying attention to anything but my own lonely thoughts and the fact that what I was about to say next was in full view of my girlfriend and comrades who probably didn't know the depths of my pathetic nature.

"So, uh," I say, "I ordered the mega box thing. That's how you win a PS4, right?"

"Yeah," she says, still not aware of the direction my mouth is going.

"So I need the box."

That's right. Give me my fucking box. Because the box has the code. The code is what I have to text to the number to find out if I won or not, god dammit. 

"Oh, ok," she says, turns around, and hands me an empty box. 

We drove away in total silence.

"Don't you dare tell anyone about what you saw today, you fucking assholes."

I didn't win the PS4, by the way, but my toilet and I have been closer since last night. 

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