Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Whilst we can

There's something about Americans who insist on spelling words the British way. I believe that they believe it makes them appear more sophisticated but it really looks like a pathetic attempt to appear sophisticated.

The British Surrender at Yorktown.

To the people I know that do this, this is not a personal attack. This is just my eyes' plea for mercy. I cannot abide another 'whilst' when you mean to write 'while.' The color of the sky is blue, no need for a 'u'.

Declaring ourselves independent of unnecessary vowels.

There is one thing that I don't get, though. These Yankees never spell 'curb' the way the Brits do. The Brits spell it 'kerb.' It's not as sophisticated looking as 'favour' so it gets kicked to the curb. If you insist on adding unnecessary us to your words, you're going to have to use an awkward k and e.

Admittedly, not the nicest thing we ever did. 


Now that that's out of the way.

Listen to the One Page Salon podcast! I'm reading one page of my novel-in-progress Invasion of the Weirdos. I get introduced by Jason Neulander at around the 50 minute mark.


Also! Weekly Weird Monthly is now accepting pre-orders of the Weekly Weird Monthly Totally Nubs Out for Spiced Ham chapbook. It's going to be a nasty delight with work from Ryan Sayles, Chris Rhatigan, Chris Mattix, Nina Barker, Cheryl Couture, Steven Warren, and yours truly. PRE-ORDER THAT SUCKER TODAY!

HEALTH SHIT BELOW

I had an experience with the worst doctor I have ever been to. See, the doctor I originally had under my insurance plan was phenomenal. He was a straight up, no bullshit kind of dude. I can understand some level of condescension from a doctor; they are, after all, superior beings of light. But the doctor I got assigned to after Cool Doc left the practice has to be the biggest turd bag on the planet. I've been having sinus headaches (which I've had since I was a kid). I told him this and he goes on an on about Californians moving here and then complaining about allergies. Save it, doctor. I came here for your medical expertise, not your senior thesis on American migration patterns.

This was the kicker though. He asked, "Why do you think it's sinus headaches?" I answer because it's been bothering me so I looked things up and asked people. He says, "You can't accurately pinpoint things until you've had a formal evaluation, don't you know that?" To which I reply, "That's why I'm fucking here." The guy wore hair gel and stunk of whey protein. I'm going to continue going to him because I hated him so goddamn much and that is very amusing.

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